Deep thoughts........

So for some reason I cant sleep. Well...not some reason...lots of little reasons. So what do I do? Of course...get out of bed and come on here.

So without going into too much detail and saving myself a little dignity...I will try to keep this as vauge as possible.

I have realized that this whole e-mail, vox,facebook thing is taking up way too much of my time and being too much of a distraction to me during the day- so I am only going to be on the computer once a day. (Unless of course I am p-'d off again and cant sleep...then my rule doesnt apply.) I have never been so unproductive and distracted with my time.  I have also realized that I cant get on here and say the things I really want to say because god knows who is reading it anyway- and sure wouldnt want to look like a ranting bee-otch to anyone. So if I cant say what I am thinking...whats the point, right? I also need to clear up some time during the day, because it seems that I have no time even when I should have time to do simple things ( like putting away laundry without it becoming an "issue"). Nope...not doing anything fun, nothing I am doing for ME...just putting away clothes can ruin the night. Lovely.

I have also noticed that the people I thought I could go to and talk to about stuff...the one that I really thought I could  (and SHOULD) be able to count on... really dont give a crap about what I have to say. It is just so they dont "look bad" or get yelled at later on that causes certain people to half heartedly listen.

And one last thing...what do you do when you make a really difficult decision...one that you have already struggled with for a long time, and will struggle with forever if you dont make the right decision. After trying to talk yourself into something you know will make someone else happy, and failing miserably at it...knowing that what you want, is not what the other person wants...and that someone, regardless of which decision is made, will be sad/miserable/wondering what if, the rest of their lives. How do you pick who has to feel that? Its not fair to anyone and that sucks because the two halves of this decision dont agree at all. So I should suck it up, be content  with what I have, and avoid leaving the house, because anywhere I go I will be reminded of what I want so badly...but I just cant because - well- I cant.I have tried- trust me.

And as for everything else that I want to say on here but cant because I have already said too much...

:) *%)%(#%()#*()#!!!!!!!