Ok...you'd only get that if you've seen Office Space :) I think this is just a really bad day... maybe its been raining too much lately, maybe just havent been able to get outside and play enough, maybe its just that I havent had time to sit and take a break for, well, um... a very long time??? I dont know what the reason, but today is a crappy day. The thing is, only if you are a stay at home mom, do you get what I am feeling... And I am SO not saying going to work is better or worse, I am not picking on any choices that anyone has made,and I am also not that staying home is so tough and going to work is a cake walk. I have never expericed going to work as a parent, so I cant say anything about that side of the story, thats all. I am sure that has its own set of issues, I just dont know what they are, since I dont get up and leave my house to go to a different place to work. The thing about staying home, is that I think it would be easier if I were doing the same thing with the same group of kids somewhere other than my house. Not only am I trying to watch my own kids, and my nieces, I am constantly distracted by the household things... like laundry, dishes, bills, vacuuming, cleaning toilets, organizing the filing cabinets, making phone calls, dealing with door to door salesmen who will ring the door bell and wake everyone up from naps, organizing things for Andy to bring back to school everyday. then I am distracted by trying to figure out how to fix up each room in the house to make it functional, what color to paint the kids' rooms, the fact that we need curtains on our patio doors so we arent a walking entertainment center for the neighbors at night... etc... If it is a mess or needs a mothers touch, it is distracting me from my main job....being a mom (to my own kids and also to my nieces- hehe) I am a stay at home MOM...not a stay at home cleaning lady who gets everything done around the house, all while focusing completley on the kids all day. This is crazy .There are days where Jake gets home and I realize I havent even had time to go take a potty break for myself. If I did not have kids, I would not stay home and just be here doing house work... I would be at my 9-5 job and then we'd come home from our day and tag team all the things that need to get done together. But since I am home all day (with my job...the kids) I feel like people think I need to be doing all of that too. When people go to work, they arent expected to be getting laundry done, paying bills, or anything like that, so why do I feel like I have to be doing that during my work day? I wish I knew. If bills did need to get done, working folk have a lunch break to do errands, chores, relax... and get that stuff done or to just have a minute to not think about anything but chewing. I am not trying to whine and have a self-pity party... but man would it EVER be nice to be acknowleged ONCE! I feel like cinderella... minus all the mumbo jumbo fairytail stuff about becoming a princess and being all beautiful and stuff :) Hehehe. I am talking the cinderella BEFORE fairy godmother...
I wonder what it would be like to wake up in the morning and get ready to go to work. Then to get in the car either with the kids to drop them off at day care or alone. Even after dropping them off at day care, there is still that time to yourself... listen to the radio without interruptions (as much as I love that too!!) and just think and relax or crank up the radio and sing as loud and horribly as I can (this is my personal fav.). Then to get to work and have a job to do, but be able to consult with other adults in the mean time. (I do try this now, but it is usullay short-lived because there is some meeting to go to, or a more pressing job activity on the other end of the phone...which I totally understand). Then if the job is getting a little hairy and unproductive, or stressful, what would it be like to be able to get up and walk away for 10 minutes like they tell a person to do. I cant walk away from my job or someone will get bitten, hit, tossed down the stairs, sat on, etc... So then coming back to my job with a refreshed calm and clear head... would be nice. Then there is lunch. Go to the cafeteria, stay at the desk and surf the net, take a cat nap??? My lunch is spent picking up lunch dishes before everyone wakes up and wants snack :) once and a while, I will have a minute to get on the computer. Then the kids slowly wake up- one by one- either on thier own or because one of the awake ones woke them up on thier way downstairs. Then I have a crabby kid because they didnt get to wake up on thier own terms. then comes snack time. By somewhere sort of close to this time, a person working out of the house would be winding down and getting ready for that drive home again, or to get the kids at daycare... but to have that quiet time in the car again and zone out into the drive or pretend to be a rock star like I do and sing to every song that comes on the radio. This is about the time I start watching for Andy to get off the bus, then trying to figure out what to have for supper that wont take until 7 to make and eat, then cooking it, doing the dishes again, bath time, laundry, bed time, pass out, start again in about 6 hours...
Dont get me wrong. I am not trying to complain and seem like I have it soooo rough. I LOVE my job! It is all I ever wanted to be in my whole life. I never had ambitions to be anything big and career based. All I wanted to be ever is a mommy (and the tooth fairy, but cut me slack...I was 6) Now I am a mom--3 times over and I adore it. no body else on this earth can melt my heart and make me all warm and gushy as my little babies and my nieces too. I look down and see these big humongus eyes staring at me waiting for me to fix all the troubles in the world, and I cave. They turn me to butter! Maybe all I want is to have people realize that this isnt a cakewalk either, and to respect my time and know that I am not a wonder woman and that I cant do everything all the time. Maybe once it would be nice to have a break too... without it being harmful to the kids :) Yeah yeah, poor me. Like I said- its a case of the monday's. I tell ya, it's like 2 different worlds. Like a civil war that working parents will never understand the feelings and the time of a... I cant even say non-working parent- becasue we are busting our butts... of a parent who stays at home with the kids. And stay at home parents will never understand the ways of a working parent.
There are so many more perks to staying home for me, than to go to work... dont think I am bitch**ng about my kids or anything. I will do anything and everything for them... in a heart beat. Its the understanding of my time and feelings from other adults that I am needing about now...
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