Major fun, meet Major guilt. Howdy do?

Guess what? I am doing this. I really really am. I can't believe it since I said I would NEVER ever ever never never do this...but I am. I am doing it. It will be fun. It is needed. It is long over due! The last time I did this, Jake and I weren't even MARRIED yet!!! Ack!

Do you know what that means? It has been over 10 years since I have done this. But OH MY GAWD do I have a raging case of GUILT for it! How dare I?

Coming up in the near future, I am getting my big rump on an airplane with my good ol' pal, Daphne, and we are flying to Michigan to see our other good ol' pal, Sadie! I will be gone from my family...my sweet sweet hubby and my little honey bear boys for 4 nights and 5 days. I am going to fly. I'm flying. Pardon me for a second.... (&**@&$....&*^!!!%....(*(&&^$&$*@&!^$@&*$^@&*$^@&!). I don't know if I am ok with the whole idea. I am not. Nope. I am going to do it, but I think I am going to be a basket case... until I get back home and wish I wouldn't have worried and obsessed over it. But that is how I am.

But to go see my girls and have a little R&R... I will sacrifice. :) I have images of the 3 of us getting pedicures together and having a glass of wine while we sit there... just like their web site shows. Boy do they know their way into a girls heart. A little pampering, great friends, and wine. CURSE YOU beautiful Michigan spa.

But it will be ok. The plane will land gracefully and we will get off of the plane in one piece...(right?). I am looking forward to it so much!! I just need to tell my over paranoid mind to CALM DOWN. Calm down in there...you hear??

Seriously.

Normally I come on here to talk about how cute and adorable my kids are. Right, can you blame me?? But this time I am just a little irritated by something and there are no cutesy pictures to attach to it, no cute little stories... I am not even sure what I am going to accomplish by saying what I am going to say. I am just totally and utterly confused and need to speak my mind. Plain and simple.

I am just confused how people can live in denial. How they can live so bitterly and unhappily...and hold on to grudges for no reason. How they can always be at odds with multiple people at one given time...like life is too calm if they are not butting heads and fighting with someone-- creating drama.  And at what point will people grow up? Will they EVER admit they were wrong, or mean, or did something incredibly hurtful and disrespectful. Will they ever just let people move on and let everyone be happy, or will they continue to drag people down into their dark lonely place, just so they feel a little better for making everything a little more unhappy. I don't understand needing or wanting to add that tension and hurt from talking bad about people behind their back. These people would rather have everyone scramble to live their lives around them, and basically expect it to happen. Why can't they see that always being so impossible and immature is hurting more than just the intended person. At what point in your life do you stop being a birthday brat? At what point in your life do you realize it's not all about you...the world isn't at your beck and call- to bow at your huge smelly feet?? They can take a kind gesture that was intended to make life easier for a very deserving person, and turn it into backstabbing, utter chaos and upheaval making it seem like the kind gesture was actually an act of deceit and done to personally sabotage them.

I could go on, but I am not going to. My point has been made, I think. Maybe not. I am just so beyond frustrated. I hope to God that someday, people will grow up. I hope they will realize the worlds spotlight is not on them, and only them. I hope they start to think of other people before they think of themselves. I hope for once, they try to make things positive and peaceful for the whole, instead of trying to get their own way. When will they realize how very immature they are being?? The problem is that they won't. They will continue to play the victim. They believe their own lies. It is miserable and I pity them for living such an awful life, and encourage them to try to be nice to others and see what happens. Just once. Maybe??

My brother is hard at work, I think.

A few days ago, I was driving home from the mall with the kids all snug in their booster and car seats. We had a great time passing a couple of hours there... just the little guys and me. But it was getting late and I wanted to get home before rush hour.

Not that I was in a hurry at all, I just didn't want to drive 20 mph when the speed limit was 40. Are you thinking I am going to tell you a road rage story?? Come on. I had my 3 little boys in the van with me. No. Just frustration. And impatience. No rage...not even a bad word (Or finger!).

When we FINALLY got to the stop light to turn onto the highway, this car in front of me who was holding up the show in the first place, got through to make the right turn just before the light changed. In my head I was telling the jurkus off...but really, I just sat there as I watched the traffic wizzing by for a few minutes... pretty frustrated. But for no reason whatsoever... I suddenly stopped being frustrated and thought to myself, "No big deal. What do I know. Maybe there is a reason. Maybe this is stopping us from getting into an accident." Why would I think that? I don't know. I don't know why I suddenly stopped feeling stressed about missing the light and found my patience again.

So, with my new happy frame of mind I made my turn and headed home. As I got to the exit ramp, I noticed it was kind of backed up... more than it should have been for the day and time. When I got to the bottom of the exit ramp and onto the normal street, I saw that there was a dump truck stalled in my lane a head.

I got into the other lane to get past and realized that the dump truck wasn't stalled. It wasn't broken down. It had just (a minute or two before hand) smashed into the rear end of a compact car! Boy did I get the chills, and the little hairs on my beck stood up on end...and I tried so hard not to get tears in my eyes. I looked in my own back seat and saw my 3 little boys, safe and sound. Andy was sitting oblivious in the 3 row seats, that if that were our van that got hit, would have been mangled.

So we drove away. Safe. In one piece. A little freaked out. A lot grateful. And sorry for the person who did get hit- but seemed to be shaken, not hurt. Not to say that this truck would HAVE hit us instead, but the timing was right. And I have to wonder...

I have always said that my brother will be the best guardian angel for my kids, and my niece. I think he just proved me right.

Hearts of palm

I am not talking about the food, (but I am really curious what it tastes like). What I am talking about is how my heart is walking around in the form of these 4 boys I am lucky enough to spend every day of my life with. The best husband in the world, and 3 of the sweetest boys I can ever imagine.

Last night, Ryan woke us up with a blood curdling scream... "Mommmmmmyyyyy!!!!!" Jake has much faster reflexes at 2:36 a.m., so he went into Ryan's room, and came back 5 minutes later. "He wants you. He is waiting for you".

I walked into Ryan's room and he was already almost out his door to come and get me... so we got back into his room and snuggled a while. I traced my finger across his chubby little face, his big baby blues met mine and I melted. Soon his little eye lids were drooping, drooping then closed. I stopped, and just sat there with his face melted into my hand. His cheek fit perfectly into my palm...the way his tiny head fit into my palm when he was a newborn.
I melted again. My heart was there...in the palm of my hand. I just sat there staring for a while, enjoying that moment where one of my little monsters was back to being innocent, peaceful, and q.u.i.e.t. I am lucky that my boys still like to snuggle, and I still get the random kiss blown to me at baseball and soccer. All the moms look at me and smile. Awww, that is so sweet. Yeah- I know, and I love it. They agreed to love me and hug me even when they are 16. And its these little unexpected kisses and snuggles that make me feel like a princess, the luckiest wife and mommy in the whole entire world. To the moon, and around the sun, all around every single star, back to earth and around every single tree, and back. To infinity. That is how lucky I am, and how much I love my little men, and the love of my life.

The last day, just my boys and me.

Jake will be back home tomorrow and we can't wait. I have missed him so much, and I know the boys have too. But after a very busy week (A great week, but a crazy one) I may just be picking him up from the airport, and then going to get a pedicure or something while he reunites with his little buddies. Are you reading this babe?? Be prepared! My little tootsies and tosies need some serious TLC!!!

So, what did we do today? We got up and hung out doing a whole lot of nothing. I went to Target and got a few things that we needed and some that we didn't need, but that still found their way into my super hot, newly designed plastic cart. (They look so cheesey... even worse than the old ones they replaced!) Then we had a little lunch, and tried to think of something fun to do the rest of the day. I gave them the choice of the Zoo or the Arboretum. Most little boys, I think, would have picked the zoo...hands down. But not these 3. They were pumped to go to the Arboretum! I think a lot of it had to do with Andy's field trip there during the last week of school. He walked around that place showing us everything he saw on his field trip. I just kind of slipped behind Andy and Justin and let them explore and lead the way...there was no harm in them getting lost, or hit by a car on the deeper paths. I did get a little nervous a few times though. They had us so far into the middle of no where that I wasn't sure we'd find a path back to the main road-- but we made it. Next time we will drive the 3 mile loop and have the car filled with snacks and water since today, we just mindlessly started the walk without a thought or bottle of water! 3 miles in warm weather is just too much when you're 3 years old! This is one place where you can go and go and go and never see the same things twice. There is always something new blooming, or a new path to take and explore. Sadly today, when I took the camera out for the first of what I had hoped would be a whole new bunch of pictures, the battery was dead- so I got nothin' for ya. They also had a great time following spiders through the woods, and looking for Hagrids hut... just like we knew they would. ;)
 
On the way home we stopped at Dairy Queen for a treat (of course I had NOTHING to do with that idea). We got home, had some mac-n-cheese and they are in bed. The end. That was a busy day. Holy Moly, Tomorrow cannot come fast enough!!! I miss my man :)  

How we spent the last day of June, 2010

First off, let me say that we are still mourning the loss of either Alvin, Simon or Theodore. I murderized him yesterday on the way to soccer, and based on the thunk under the tire, I'd say it was Theodore. The kids, (Ryan mostly) keep asking me, "Mommy, why did you kill the chipmunk?" How is that for guilt? It's kind of like pouring rubbing alcohol on a skinned knee. In my own defense, it was just sitting in the middle of the street, and it was either I run over the chipmunk, (Who was dumb enough not to move...I really thought he'd dart out of the way at the last second.) ... or I run over the tan guy driving a fork lift full of sod. My odds were better with taking out the furry little guy. The sound of that thump and the little bump following it, still haunt me.

But on a happy note, we had a fun day today- and nothing had to die as a result of our fun! We had a lazy morning- and those are as precious as gold these days. Their hair was getting a little out of control and growing in really... funky after the homemade haircuts I gave them a few weeks ago. I brought them to the pros today and they look like nicely groomed little boys again, instead of the little dirty shaggy things they were turning into. We had a fun day with Grandma Kathy and the girls. The 6 of them together are so sweet... especially when they aren't bickering and seeing who can get away with what to who. :) (Whom??... maybe- but it sounds snobby and I'd rather sound stupid than snobby.) Anyway. Where was I? We had fun outside ALL day... we played in the pool, played on the playset, and played anywhere in the back yard that you can imagine. Then came 6 tired and hungry little tempers so we had a beautiful Subway pic-nic in the backyard. Then... you got it. More playing outside. And don't forget the 4th of July shirts the kids made. That was a super fun way to spend a good chunk of time with them. They had a blast.

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I can't wait until the house next door is done and they have sod so my swing set pictures don't look so redneck.

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Ryan really "cracks" me up in this picture. Ha. Yeah- that was a bad pun. But he wanted to put on his own sunblock after we had gotten him with the spray, so he squeezed some out onto his little hand, and voila. Mixed with cheetos, he a nice blend of white-ish orange sunblock and a few crumbs for some added texture and flavor.

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Mixed up in that blanket is Justin... he was cold and didn't want any bit of himself exposed.

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Andy had a baseball game tonight... and Grandma and Grandpa brought ALL 3 of the boys to the game so I could get caught up on dishes and laundry. I am still not caught up- but it is 300% better than it was before!  When they got home it was bed time... so I rubbed some aloe vera  on their little sun burns and tucked them into bed with sweet kisses from mommy, and the extra kisses and I am giving them from daddy this week. I am so anxious for it to be Friday when he gets home. Tomorrow at this time, I will be saying "Tomorrow" we get to go pick him up! That is a lot of tomorrows isn't it?? Bummer... but hey. It's better than the 5 days we started with, right?

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This one's for you, Daddy :)

Since my hubby is out of town for a while, I promised some pictures and a little description of what we did each day. I am already slacking and missed the last 2 nights but I made up for it with pictures today :) So here you go --

Some pictures from right before he left...

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We woke up and I was already in a better spot than the first morning... no sheets to wash and no cat hack to wash off the carpet! Yeah! Andy and Justin played connect 4 while Ryan slept in... until 9:30!!! My dad, Haylee and Jayda came over while I had an appointment to go to, and when I got back Ryan was snuggling with my dad, and the other kids were "doing activities" in the bonus room. Haylee was the teacher and had the other 3 as her students.

It was already past 10:30, but I didn't want Justin to miss soccer, so we got shoes on and made it for the last 45 minutes of soccer. He is such a stud out there! He was so determined NOT to let that ball in his goal. Looks awesome for a 5 year old, huh??

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But even soccer stars can use a little help if their shoes come untied during the game. He is only 5...geesh.

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Andy was content to lay there and relax...

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Ryan followed his lead and chilled out on my lap.

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When we got home, we hung out in the front yard and rode bikes, and played with chalk. (Andy of course, sat on the porch in the shade doing his suduko book)

The flowers looked extra gorgeous today after all the rain we've had and finally getting some sunshine! :) 

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You know the drill here, right?? Mommy says "Smile" and they do this...

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But I DID manage a nice one though.

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We hung out in the house for a while and then had a pic-nic and played on the swingset for another long while, until I got the crazy idea to cut the grass all by my little self.

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SOOO... it was off to Grandma and Grandpa's house to play with Auntie Lynn so I could attempt to cut the grass. They got to help her wash her car and they LOVED it! I have to say... the yard looks SO much better than it did before, but when I got to the end I was making a tiny little figure 8 in the middle of the yard. I must have been sub consciously taking Pete up on his offer to race lawn mowers and was making the race track...I don't know??? Now if only I had the weed wipper... the yard would look like a million bucks! Then Grandma Kathy came over with Dilly Bars and let me got o Michael's to get shirts and paint for 4th of July t-shirts! :) Before bed, the boys had their bath/shower, and then Andy actually helped me put away his laundry, and sorted Ryan's for me! That was awesome-- and that pertty much leads us up to right now...it took me forever to download the 600 pictures. So.... I will take more pictures tomorrow and show you our day while we pretend you are here and not in another state. We miss you and we love you and can't wait for you to come back home!!! Have a safe day tomorrow!!!